As we near the last day of 2020, we also near the onslaught of New Year's Resolutions coming into our social media feeds and email inboxes. This year in particular we may feel the need to “make a change” in an effort to have 2021 make up for the losses and hard realities faced in 2020. However, the intensity of 2020 is not likely to change the common pattern of New Year Resolutions where we spend January planning to “stop doing this” or “start doing that” in order to become “better”, then beat ourselves up in February when we haven’t nailed the new routine. With a slight reframe and some extra ingredients the start of your New Year doesn’t have to be so disappointing.

New Year's Resolutions tend to come from a place of force (if not pure desperation “this time I WILL do it”), and are driven by wants and destinations which fall short or get forgotten as life takes over. The automatic (and impatient!) “New Year, New Me” approach rushes ahead, forgetting one important component - the WHY behind the wants.

REFLECT

Start by reframing your Resolutions to begin first as Reflections.

Why do I want these things? (Hint: ask Why again after your first initial response, as there is usually something deeper to be found)

What don’t I want, and why?

How will life feel for me once I achieve this?

Are there any beliefs connected to the things I want e.g. “I will be more loved if I….”, “Once I …. I will be respected”?

How do I feel about the work involved in making these changes? Excited or heavy and cumbersome?

Exploring the answers to these questions will help you understand your drive at a more personal and intimate level which is shown to increase our commitment to goals and intentions. This process of reflection also has the potential to illuminate where you are seeking to please others, fit standards, or expect something outside of yourself to deliver your happiness.

Reframe

Once you have taken the time to reflect on where you are before rushing to where you are going, you can start making changes from a place of honesty and self awareness rather than fear or resentment. When making New Year's Resolutions from the seat of Tough Love or Self Deprecation you only set yourself up for those emotions to whisper in your ear “you’ve failed before, so you’ll fail again, just throw in the towel.” You can’t miraculously get that new {insert - body, car, job, house, career change, travel opportunity, relationship} without having the kindness with yourself to do so. Without it you’ll only continue to get in your own way so start by changing the way you think and speak about yourself.

Try approaching New Year 2021 through this lens, and then continue the year by measuring yourself against the answers to your Reflections.